Karen and I have been driving down I-75 to Florida for most of our lives. But it’s just been recently that I’ve formed the judgement that Southern Georgians are perverts after reading their billboards. There’s research on that.
All along I-75 in southern Georgia are “spas”. These are not your Swedish Grandmothers spas. We know that SPA is a code word. There’s the Green Spa, the No. 1 Spa, the Peach Spa, and on and on. Then of course you’ll need to stop at “Loves” to fuel up your spark plug, or in my case, diesel, you have a glow plug. I kinda like that. Then you see “Adcock Pecans”. Code word. And you’ll see the little town called “Sparks”. And in the middle of this debauchery you’ll see two Jesus billboards (Jesi?). Because one is not enough for the spawn of Satan. Don’t even get me started on “Stuckeys” Restaurant. And then I notice a billboard for an AG Expo and I think ‘Dammit they’re into the vegetables’. About this time I’m thinking Karen and I should check out southern Georgia retirement communities. But then here come the Adult stores. An Adult Superstore “Central” so I’m thinking they have all points of the compass covered now. By the time I see the “Active Adult Community” I raise my fists and yell “I’M ALL IN DAMMIT I’M IN!!!”
Karen looks at me: “What?”
“Nothing” I say.
I can barely drive.
And I’m glad Tennessee is next and not Arkansas.