Caveat

I bought some chrome door side molding for my truck from an online source at the end of March. And I’ll never buy from them again. They sent me the wrong parts because the molding is about 4 inches longer than the passenger door. The directions said you have to wait until 70 degree weather to apply the moldings, which in Michigan already exceeded their 30 day return policy. They have refused to exchange the parts. It occurred to me that anyone who buys anything in the winter that requires 70 degree temps may also be screwed by these shysters.
I was fantasizing about taking them to court in Ingham County so they’d have to pay a lawyer which would exceed the cost of the parts that I can’t use. Ever. But I’m pretty sure the Judge would throw out the case.
“Mr. Johnides, it is your responsibility as a consumer to assume responsibility for what you are buying and you assume that risk when you purchase something on the market. We call this “In Flagrante Delicto”.

Defense Attorney: “No your honor, that’s not it.

Judge: “You’re right Counsel. It’s ‘E Pluribus Unum’ .”

Defense Attorney: “Ah, no your honor.”

“Carpe Diem.”

“Nope.”

” It has to be ‘Manage a Tois’.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s French your honor.”

” Mucho Painess Speculum Largoso? ”

“I don’t even know what that means your honor. It might be a spell from Harry Potter.”

The clerk approaches the bench and whispers to the judge. 

Judge: “Yes. Yes. That’s it. “Caveat Emperor”, which means Mr. Johnides, your case is dissed.”

Cool. 

I look at pictures of young people with coordinated belt and shoes, layers of shirts and coats, all the trendy accoutrements and remember my youth, when I felt very cool if I could string together two possum pelts and a splash of English Leather.