I’m not being defeatist. Really. But while fantasizing about marrying Julie Andrews the other day, I conceded I may need to update my fantasies. Sure. In this world I know that anything is possible, even if it is unlikely. But being realistic, here is a list of things I may have to give up at 60:

1. Being six feet two and built like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
2. Becoming friends with Vic Morrow from Combat.

3. Appearing on the Ed Sullivan Show.

4. Being Shogun.

5. Being kidnapped by a tribe of over-sexed Amazon women (I was once cruised by a woman with blue hair in the elevator at the Traverse City Resort).

6. Being as handsome, classy and debonair as Omar Shariff.

7. Winning the Clearing House Sweepstakes.

8. Collecting enough S & H green stamps to get that car.

9. Being President.

10. Touring with my rockband.

11. Chucking it all to live in the wilderness like Jeremiah Johnson.

12. Winning an Oscar.

13. That my curly hair would straighten out.

14. Having a full head of hair when I get older.

15. Making that album with Joni Mitchell or James Taylor.

16. Living on my big, huge-ass yacht.

17. Becoming James Bond.

18. Buying an island.

19. Winning a Grammy.

20. Climbing Mt. Everest.

21. Playing for the Tigers.

22. Participating in the Olympics.

23. Being good at math.

24. Becoming a professional golfer.

25. Winning the Lotto and adopting a passel of kids.

26. Meeting Santa Claus (the Easter Bunny creeps me out).

Now that there is a huge gap in my future, the question is, what do I replace these fantasies with?

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